Tuesday, November 29, 2005

How Worthless is Your Blog?

I suppose this may change at some point in the future, but right now, I'm pretty darned proud. I always suspected that all my work here was entirely worthless, but now I have proof. Behold!



I'm not sure how they value things. It's probably based on traffic, incoming links, outgoing links, and possibly post frequency. In any case, this usually has no relation to reality. Unless your blog, much like the hundreds of thousands of other blogs out there, or any given livejournal, is worthless. I swear that I did it before and it said my blog was worth $800 or something, which, by the way, I would totally sell out for, but those glory days are gone. The Evalutron 5000 must have been overheating. Someone gave it a whack and now it's spitting out correct answers. It feels good to have my worthlessness validated.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Celebrating the holidays in style: Buy Nothing Day

Buy Nothing Day

"Now is the time to question the goal of a Big Mac in every hand, and Britney Spears as cultural Ambassador, to reclaim the meaning of being American."
-- quoted from this Eastern Michigan University article on Buy Nothing Day.

This Friday is Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year. It is also becoming known as Buy Nothing Day through grassroots anti-consumer efforts.
My friend and I used to go to the Carousel Mall in Syracuse on Black Friday, not to specifically buy anything, though we would usually end up getting a game or something that was on sale, but to people watch and to stand around and take up space. Long lines and crowds aren't a problem if you have no agenda. It was like our own form of protest, though we were too apathetic to think of it that way and we had no knowledge of Buy Nothing Day.
Ironically, my friend is now a sales manager at a Wal-Mart and was recently telling me about his store's preparations for Black Friday.
I like the idea of Buy Nothing Day, even if no one actually buys nothing. I'll probably end up being too lazy to pack a lunch and end up spending money on food. But just telling people about the idea can do a lot to get them to think, to break them out of what The Northern Light calls, "pseudo-reality."
From the Northern Light's article on Buy Nothing Day: "Advertising has taught us to detach from reality and embrace a pseudo-reality. Inevitably, we spend money on superfluous products to enhance our pseudo-reality rather than to face the true reality."
That quote pretty much sums up everything Adbusters is trying to do. There's also a frightening amount of truth to it. Everyone liked that scene in Fight Club where Tyler Durden told us we are not our "fucking khakis," but everyone continues to buy. We were all entranced by the vision of Fight Club, but the same generation (or consumer demographic, same difference.) was seduced by the iPod. And then the iPod mini, because you need one in pink. And holy fuck! The iPod Nano is so tiny and shiny that I NEED to have sex with it! RIGHT NOW!
I have been a video game junkie for much of my life and I have absolutely no need or desire for an Xbox 360. There are games that I will eventually want to play, and the idea of being able to play games and talk to my friend in Texas almost as easily as when he lived two hours away is appealing, but the lineup of games is mostly sequels or movie-licensed crap. Yet people are incredibly excited about this launch. It's not a coincidence that this is the first video game system that had a 30 minute TV special hosted by a celebrity. People have by now conveniently forgotten the audience of freakish clone-people that were paid by Microsoft to clap and coo and form X's with their arms on cue at the E3 presentation.
Further disturbing statistics from the aforelinked Northern Light article: "Suggesting we are indeed the magnified reflection of our socio-political circumstances, Americans' $9 trillion personal debts exceed the U.S. $7 trillion national debt." It also mentions that 1 millions Americans filed for bankruptcy in 2004.
Think about how much power the Xbox 360 will use, along with your computer, DVD player, TiVo-like device, etc. Think about how much that electricity will cost, not in only in dollars, but in pollution from generating electricity. There's a C|Net article about home electronics power consumption that talks about how much electricity all these fancy new plasma TVs are going to use (some models will use as much as a refrigerator). It also mentions that the recharger for your cell phone, laptop, or digital camera often wastes 30-70% of the electricity it draws and can draw power even when it's not charging anything.
Anyway, enough ranting for the moment. Try not to buy things, or try to buy less, and try to tell people about it. And punch a mall Santa Claus in the face while you're at it. He's used to it, he's a homeless drunk.

Monday, November 21, 2005

A new book from the unpublished files of Lancaster Chumley

Among more than 137,000 pages of as yet unpublished writing is a complete children's book, And Away the Toys I Shall Put. There are many references to his attempt at children's literature in his letters. The Collected Letters of Lancaster Chumley, Vol. XVII contains some 370 rejection letters for the then unnamed book and a series of exchanges with friends in which Chumley laments the conservative attitude of publishers at the time. (Further references in his collection of essays, Post-philosophical Inquiries Into the Nature of My Own Genius and in the third volume of his 27 volume (and counting!) autobiography, Among These Days, My Life: Being an Hourly Account of My Existence)). The book has not yet been published except piecemeal in critical journals, but it is already highly anticipated in literary circles.
By any standard of the time, it is progressive, even avant-garde. In simple, yet beautiful language, it tells the story of a group of young children who decide to search out Santa Claus and forego their presents to help a dying child. Each of the children tells parts of the story in turn, though one, Archibald, is obviously the leader and a greater portion of the text is his voice.
Initial reactions to this work are varied. Any Chumleyite knows of Chumley's furious hatred of Santa Claus for both anti-capitalistic and religious reasons. (Chumley was a devout Catholic before his conversion to atheism, allegedly caused by drug use and meeting Allen Ginsberg, though both have denied rumors of a sexual relationship.) Many mistake his anti-Santa Claus attitudes for anti-children attitudes. This is understandable given his later writings on education and moral conduct in the home --see the essay "Philosophy of Child-rearing" for his thoughts on this subject (the short version: children should be raised in an "emotionally sterile" environment to further their intellectual and creative achievements)-- and the fact that he never had children despite his staggeringly numerous affairs. Because of this, some have chosen to view Toys as a needlessly cruel exercise designed to shock, horrify, and disillusion children. But even a superficial reading disproves this, as the children are portrayed sympathetically and their emotional turmoil is entirely unironic.
Others have chosen to view the characters as stand-ins for Chumley and his contemporaries. The main character, Archibald, is certainly a Chumleyesque figure, prone to give philosophical monologues at the drop of a hat, but other characters share aspects of Chumley's personality also. Because of this, The New York Review of Books viewed Toys as a psychological self-examination, Chumley deconstructing himself metaphorically through the transition from child to adult.
Yet another interpretation has been put forth that the work is existential in nature. Santa Claus is God and the children must confront their own nature when it is revealed that he does not exist. Chumley certainly met Sartre as a part of his work with the French Resistance, but he never identified himself as an Existentialist. This novel certainly could have had an influence on Beckett's most famous work, Waiting for Godot.
What has yet to be addressed by any critic, are the erotic sections of the novel, of which little will be known until portions are published this summer in a literary journal. This will also be the first time anyone sees the accompanying illustrations, which consist of engravings of the first 47 positions of the Kama Sutra, displayed in a Neorealist style except for the fact that both of the lover's faces are Chumley's own. At that time, Chumley's likeness had never been published anywhere, so it is unknown if these pictures support the psychological self-examination view of this work, or if it is one of Chumley's many in-jokes to himself. At the least, these sections and illustrations will shed more light onto his relationship with Anais Nin.
Ah, Mr. Chumley. You remain an eternal devil and an eternal delight. New volumes of Chumley's work have produced an uproar in the New England literary scene since he opened his archives to publishers and simultaneously disappeared from the public eye on his 100th birthday in 1999. It is still unknown whether And Away the Toys I Shall Put will be published in whole in the near future, but Chumley will continue to challenge our perceptions of himself and his work for decades to come.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Angels with Mullets

Angels with Mullets. Just when you thought megachurches couldn't get any creepier. Be sure to click the pictures in the megachurch article, by the by.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Nov. 5 is Worldwide Dungeons & Dragons Game Day

I'm sure you're all breathless with anticipation. Here's the official site of Worldwide D&D Game Day. I just like saying "Worldwide D&D Game Day" as much as possible because it brings to mind images of a horde of nerds dressed in shoddy, home-made armor overthrowing local institutions of government. The leader of the horde (the fattest one with the best goatee) will then issue demands. "Xlyxzor the conqueror hath a mighty appetite from all the conquering! Bring me cheetos so that I may sup and Mountain Dew to quench my parched palette!" And then they probably get gunned down or nuked or something. But it is remembered thenceforth as The Great Nerd Revolt.
Of course, I'm a dork for even knowing what D&D is, but at least I'm reasonable about it. I don't wear a chainmail hood that I made myself. And yes, there are people who do such things. Some of them live in Ithaca.
If you really want to know what D&D is like, any day of the year, watch the movie, Mazes and Monsters. Starring Tom Hanks! You really need to read that page. Stop reading this and click on it.
I'm glad you're back. Now it gets even better. Thanks to Wikipedia, while I was looking for info on The Dead Alewives' legendary D&D comedy sketch (something else you also need to experience), and I came across the fact that Vin Diesel claims he has played D&D many times. He even wrote the foreword to Thirty Years of Adventure: A Celebration of D&D. Or on Wikipedia. Please note that the Amazon page has a link to the Loser's Guide to Dating. Has Vin Diesel also read this list? It's compiled by Efrain Rivera Jr. I submit that it is possible, and even entirely probable, that Vin Diesel's real name is Efrain Rivera Jr. The fact that the Loser's Guide to dating is not a very good guide supports this hypothesis.
In conclusion, I wish you all a happy dorking, through whatever form of dorkery you choose to engage in.