"Party"

Max says he didn't kiss her, but they were "grinding together enough that the whole bar thought they were going to sleep together." I'll let his words speak for themselves.

I am a bad English professor. I never prepare lessons. There are long silences in class and I sometimes stare off into space. I am constantly late to my morning classes. I will probably be late tomorrow because I am still up now writing this. The problem is that they are too damned early. I'm almost never late to my other classes. Whatever. They're not going to fire me and they're not really going to affect my geting a job elsewhere. This is just a practice run of teaching. In September, no morning classes for me.

Oh, the things I could link you to if I wasn't too tired and baked to remember. Meh... Maybe next time.

We had a party last night. As Max said, "We would have left if it wasn't our party." But it was entertaining and we were very drunk. That's what counts.
Our friend, Lee, who redefines alcoholism by being falling-over drunk virtually every time we see him, showed up with a guy from Holland and a guy from Finland. The guy from Finland is a First Lieutenant of a tank division in the Finnish Military. He will mention this 50 times an hour. That and "Laurie [his name] is not a girl's name." He regaled us with stories about how World War II was where Finland defeated the Russians. They were also not allies with the Germans, but "comrades-in-arms." He didn't really give any further explanation on that. He also informed us that there are 188,000 lakes in Finland. "Lakes are like air in Finland! You just breathe them. They are everywhere!" He was not impressed by mention of America's Great Lakes, as there were only 5 of them. I'm not sure if he realized that Finland could probably fit inside them. He was also unfazed by Max and I doubled over with laughter after every time he mentioned the word "Finland." The Dutch guy said, "Laurie, I hope that I can get into a position of power so that I can attack Finland. I'll do it just because of tonight."
Lee passed out after about 5 minutes of this and thus did not have to suffer. But when he did wake up, he finished rolling the spliff that he'd passed out in the middle of rolling, smoked it, and promptly passed out again. I blamed this on him not listening to my warnings about the strength of the hash and proceeded to put random party detritus on his face, in his nose, and in a precarious tower on his head. Max took some pictures. He finally woke up, everyone left, and we passed the hell out.

The return

My computer is magically working again. It was like I'd lost a limb. The touchpad wasn't working, but Max used some of his chi to fix it, for which I am grateful.
I also managed to survive another all you can drink night at J&J's. The website is deceivingly serene. The day crowd are nice people that want to relax, have some coffee, and look at some books. The night crowd brings new meaning to the term alcoholic. After my 9th or 10th beer, I stumbled to the basement and locked myself in the bathroom, voimiting up ramen and shaking with cold sweats. Then I had a brief rest on the bathroom floor before going and napping in the bargain book room. I woke up and realized that the place was almost empty and fortunately made it out before being locked in for the night. I felt mildly ashamed about this, but Max told me he's had to go lie down there before, too. And our British friend Lee has been found passed out there also. So it's not like I did anything new.
But as a result of my disappearance, Max and I were separated and he was accosted by a "platoon of hookers" in Parque Oeste at 5 am on his way back home. Apparently, some of them were topless, but he was trying not to look directly at them while ignoring their shouts of "Oye, guapo! Donde vas?" Not that we aren't used to seeing prostitutes on every street corner in Madrid, I think he was just a little shocked by the sheer number of them. But despite Spain's relatively low violent crime rate and lack of serial killers, it's just old-fashioned hooker common sense not to hang out in secluded areas at night by yourself. Max managed to make it out unscathed, but if I'd been there, we would have kicked some hooker ass and taken some hooker names.
We are apparently surrounded by whores. The park on the other side of us, Casa de Campo, is supposed to be full of prostitutes at night, too. Our neighborhood is relatively nice, though, so I can only theorize that the parks full of prostitutes act as a kind of buffer for other crimes.
Well, speaking of whores, I have to go whore my language skills for another few dollars.

Fractal Food

So we actually moved into the apartment today. Our crazy landlady didn't have any of her crap moved out. There are many, many shelves in my room and all of them are filled with her junk. We left her to sort through it and said that we would be back later to help her carry anything she needed upstairs. I expect all of it to be in the exact same place that it was when we left. There was a ton of crap in the kitchen that she didn't even know was there until Max went through and pointed it out. But she did buy me a gihugic double bed, so I am happy about that despite the fact that it takes up about half my room. Still, we had to leave and go someplace to eat and hang out here in this miniature Internet café that is basically a closet with some computers in it just to avoid her incredibly annoying presence. And she's probably staying until Friday or Saturday. She said a few days, which Max took to mean Thursday, but that's wishful thinking. Signing the contract and getting a photocopy of Max's driver's license took two hours.

But we have an apartment at least. It cuts our living expenses by a huge amount. I want to start brewing beer, which may or may not save money, considering how much we drink. We've met a bunch of freaks and weirdos that we would love to invite over for a housewarming party. There's all of our alcoholic British friends, an Italian guy who claimed to be from one of the roughest neighborhoods in Italy that is trying to become a Freemason and is studying the Kaballah. There's some Spanish masseuse that agreed to trade massages for English lessons, which I'm incredibly excited about. I just hope "massage" doesn't mean "handjob." Max even managed to get a French girl's phone number, which he is very happy about. There's also my dog-walking boss, whose website is www.apaseomascotas.com, and his French bulldog, Federica, who is actually Jewish and another student of the Kaballah, who travels with him everywhere. When he drives the moped, he puts her in a duffel bag on the floor between his legs. I forgot to mention that when I described my white-knuckle ride with him. Plus all of the other assorted freaks that I've already mentioned. So it should be an interesting gathering, I hope.

Sweet merciful crap! The landlady just called to ask where we were. Max has been on the edge for days. I can't leave them alone because Max might start screaming at her or, you know, stab her or something.

So we had to pay 3 months rent to move into this place, which means I'll be relatively broke this month, but Danielle is getting here on the 25th and the partying will commence once more. I'm going to do a lot of reading in the meantime. Chris has a bunch of books and I still haven't finished everything that I brought. I also have to go check out the libraries and see if they have any comics or something simple to read in Spanish or else books in English. We also have a TV, which will help with practicing Spanish. I'm looking forward to watching "Los Simpsons" and the incredibly bizarre Spanish sketch comedy shows. And maybe I'll be able to catch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in Spanish finally.

But in case anyone hasn't heard, we're looking to sublet 2 or 3 rooms or the apartment in July and possibly one in August. They're around €300 each. Two have double beds and one has a single with a pull-out sleeper. There's a big television, hardwood floors, washing machine, new fridge and stove, all the silverware, plates, pots and pans, etc. for cooking and it's only about 7 minutes to the metro and about 15 to the center. There's grocery stores, vegetarian restaraunts, and a mall nearby, and it's right next to Casa de Campo, which is a huge park in Madrid.

Alright. I'm off to shower, walk dogs and then to play chess, drink, and eat with Max and my dog-walking boss. Hopefully won't have to kill the landlady.